A new begining?

Almost 3 years ago I gave birth to my daughter...on that day I had a tubal ligation. Why? Because my husband at the time wanted it done and told me had it not been done he would divorce me. Now here I am almost 3 years later and he IS divorcing me anyway and not for that reason. So Michael and I are doing some discussing...we both want a child. He has none of his own...I have three from my ex husband. When I had my tubes tied something just told me that I wasn't done. Ever since then I have felt incomplete. YES I love my children very very dearly...but at the same time I feel like something is missing. Michael and I are looking into tubal reversal...I found a great website from a doctor in North Carolina that seems very promising. Not only is it promising, but the prices are do-able for us. (We had also considered IVF) I feel that this procedure could benifit us both greatly. The ache he has to have his own child just hurts me...I WANTED more children...and seeing the one I truely love long for one of our own and I can't provide that just kills me.

I know in my heart that this is the path for us. Destiny has brought us this far...so I know that if this is meant to be, it will be.

Lost in translation

Medical professionals frustrate me. In the past 6 1/2 years since I brought my first child into this world, I have seen my fair share of them. Here lately, I am loosing my faith in their abilities to provide for their patience. My middle child has ear tubes, he had chronic ear infections for the longest time and after a year of being in and out of the hospital and doctors, they finally decided that ear tubes were for him. That happened in May of 2006. This past year has been hell for him...he has had ear infection after ear infection. Now, his ear bleeds and he is now saying he has a hard time hearing me. This scares me beyond all belief that my son could possibly have hearing damage and NO one knows why this is happening. I just want my child happy and healthy again. Seeing him down with a fever and his ear bleeding, it breaks my heart. I just wish doctors would pull their heads out of their asses and come up with a proper diagnosis instead of "oh it's an infection here's MORE antibiotics."

The endless chain of command

Having a job is tiresome. My job is definately not the hardest job in the world, it's not complicated nor is it challenging. But at times there are factors that contribute to massive times of stress. Today was no exception. During a party of 12, we got over loaded with customers. Normally that isn't a huge issue, but they kept coming...and coming...and coming. We got behind, next thing you know there are 10 orders in the window and some pretty pissed off customers. During these times I just breath and take it in stride...no big deal. But the thing that frustrates me to no end is when I not only have to do MY job...but someone else's. My manager cut her hand with a steak knife...it could possibly have required two stitches, it's on the palm of her hand. Yes, I realize it probably hurts...but you didn't loose your hand...you CAN still function. I worked for 6 weeks with a broken foot. Surely she could work with a 1/2 inch cut on her hand. Everything being left up to me is frustrating...I do not get paid enough for EVERYTHING to be left on my shoulders. But, I suck it up. I want to advance where I am at, and it is money. I just get frustrated.

My new begining

From out of the depths I have wandered...the path was dark and I was full of fear. Fear of the unknown, the past...the future. I left the past that I had known for 8 years. The life of physical abuse, being degraded and controlled. I left...trying to find myself...to find a life for my children. That was eight months ago...and a long eight months it has been. I've hit every bottom on the way, many tears have been shed, many emotions brought to the surface and many battles I have had to fight, yet I remain strong and determined. Throughout this journey I went from weighing 228lbs...to now 171lbs. I have regained confidence, self reliance and sanity. I am finally happy with my role in life...and now, a new destiny has presented itself to me. One full of hope, love, support and comfort. This is my journey into my new life.