The battle was lost

I'm not usually a fighter, more of a lover if I do say so myself. Since January I have had to buck up and become the fighter that I don't really like being. I don't like conflict and I want things done quickly without fighting. When I left my soon to be ex husband...that was a fight I never thought I would walk away from.

These past several months I have been passive. I haven't fought for what needed to be done...I let him walk all over me. Until I realized, I was screwing my children out of what THEY need. I tried to be nice and not fight for the tax money. I was even nice and let him see the kids during MY weekends. But today...during our hearing...he stooped to a low sooo low that I still can't seem to come to grips with it. In ten months, I have not recieved a dime in child support. I was recieving TANF to compensate for that... He is fighting the state of Missouri for my TANF. He says that he shouldn't have to pay it. So now, the judge has ordered ME to pay half. Yes, you heard that correctly...I have to pay half when he hasn't even paid child support in ten months! Not only that, but he tried to tell the court that my fiance has been living here the whole time. NOT so. I didn't even FIND my fiance again until June...and he was still working in Wisconsin in July!! So he has only been here a couple months. (Long story, I'll explain some other time)

I fail to see how having to pay my ex husband money is justice? He should have paid it all along because he hasn't supported his three kids in MONTHS. Michael and I have bought everything they have needed...medicine, clothes, school supplies and paid for daycare. Has their biological father? NO.

I don't understand how a man who really doesn't give two shits about his kids could win a case like t his. I don't fucking understand it! I have fought and FOUGHT. I lived in a domestic violence shelter for a couple months and yet...HE wins. He got out of the restraining order, he got the house, he got over ten thousand in income tax money, he got two new lap top computers, a 2007 Dodge Charger, a new digital camera, an apartment, new wardrobe and a big screen tv...and that's just the things I know about!!!!

It's not fair...it truly is not fair.